So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
