I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
