I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
