Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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