Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
