My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We need a shit load of segways right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
