I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She is in my trunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
