but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
