she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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