when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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