Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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