Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
