he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
