just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
