He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
