would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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