I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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