I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need water and some morals
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
