oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got inside last night via doggy door
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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