I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
