Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
