Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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