hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
