therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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