You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
