I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
