I got chris browned last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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