i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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