So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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