I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
