fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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