U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
