You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
