been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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