i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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