there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
