Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
