Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have demons in me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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