Pants 0. Shit 1.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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