Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
