I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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