do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
