"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
