Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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