That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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