I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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