Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
