Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
