Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
