Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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