you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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