I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm just crazy horny about you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
