just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
