even my farts smell like vagina
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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