you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
