im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
