i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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