my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
